The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
