Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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