can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
