OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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