i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
