____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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