Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
