Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
