Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
