Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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