one two three fourrrrnication!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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