we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
