Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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