And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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