Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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