I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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