marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
