Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
