Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
