Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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