I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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