if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
