Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
