i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
