boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
