i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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