we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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