Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
