But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
3pm strippers are depressing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
