Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
