I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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