Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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