I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
