my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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