I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
