I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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