Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
