Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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