Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
