Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
