Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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