im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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