3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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