New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
