the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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