You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
