I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
