But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
