ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
