How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
