I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
