Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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