Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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