I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
