I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
