if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
