You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
