butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
