So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
