2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
