The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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