T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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